MBOU Amansa school
A very important factor that complicates the relationship between parents and children, the inability of parents in a calm and respectful to the child to Express their thoughts. Often adults are not able to calmly and clearly explain to the child what they want from him, i.e., to articulate their expectations. They endlessly criticize him, invite other people to inspire son or daughter what he / she need to be.
The ability to discuss the problem with the child is another important aspect of education art parent. “It is possible, if from early childhood to establish a dialogue and not a monologue, writes Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh. — And if the child is reported to be only with their ears, and the parents only voice, then nothing happens. But if from early childhood parents showed interest: are you interested to me! Each of your thoughts are interesting to me, all of your experience and all movements of the mind and soul is interesting, I don’t understand. The trouble with parents is that they almost always put themselves in that position: I understand, but you don’t understand. But if parents would say (that’s just the truth): “I do not understand, you explain to me very much could be explained. Because children readily explain what they think, if not oidium that there oke Sadat and prove that they’re wrong.”
But how to create a good basis for dialogue?
First of all, be calm and confident. Today, many parents look depressed, disillusioned, powerless. Their behaviour often varies between the power of coercion, by which they are trying to “take action”, and inactive permissiveness “Democrats” who fears to limit the “freedom of the child.” To achieve peace of mind and confidence, you need the following:
• remember that you are responsible for the upbringing, your duty is to convey their attitudes and values in children;
• try to find faith in yourself. Understand that all extremes of parenting (nervous cry passivity) stem from insecurity in their parental authority;
• do not ask the impossible, remember that your son (daughter) is an independent person, which cannot be influenced, if lost the trust.
To be consistent in dealing with children. Many think that they can achieve confidence and love of children only if you will act with them “friendly”. Become the child’s friend in some degree, undoubtedly good, but it should be understood that your “friendly” position may allow him from time to time to go beyond the “possible” and “impossible” in your relationship. Friendly relationship will be dangerous in cases where:
• parent forgets its role as a caregiver, which is held by the authority;
• the behavior of the parent toward the child becomes ambiguous, indecisive, inconsistent, and sometimes childish (vindictive, irresponsible behavior on the principle of “spite”).
Firmness and consistency are very important parenting skills that brings peace, clarity of thought. The children of the solid does not mean to be rude. Just I have to get used to the fact that in this world there are certain boundaries and rules that need to be considered.
To teach your child responsibility and independence. This can be achieved as follows:
• offer clear and explicit rules: “Do this and don’t do that”, is gradually shifting responsibility for execution of these rules on the child;
• to prevent the possibility of objections from the child, if he expresses his respect to the parent;
• do not perform for him, for which he is personally responsible;
• allow the child to act independently, to experiment, but he must answer for the consequences of their decisions and correct errors;
• help him uncover his strengths.
Speaking about the mistakes and weaknesses of the child, not to make far-reaching conclusions, not to insult his person. The man and his deed is not the same thing! Tell your son (daughter) about his dissatisfaction with a specific action, but do not generalize to act personal level, do not proceed to insult the child’s personality. For example, don’t call him a jerk for the deuce, for the smell of beer — not prophesy “alcoholism”. Girl that first night noticed in the company of boys, I don’t use that word, which some loving mother scolded in such cases, their daughters.
Do not use in communicating with the child the irony and sarcasm.
Do not humiliate the child in front of other people, don’t tell others about his mistakes.
Never, never, never go to the level of personal insults!
And now — go for it! Find the most favorable for you and your son (or daughter) the time and discuss with them what excites you. Tell us about your feelings about an upsetting situation, in any case, claiming that such is the state of things actually. When your partner says — listen, don’t interrupt, try to understand him. The main goal of such dialogue is to find a compromise solution, to teach the child to move to a mutually acceptable position.