Discipline without shouting
Sometimes parents think that the only way to be heard is a scream. Learn how not to succumb to this temptation, and to make raising a child more pleasant and easy.
How often do children ask for something that they cannot: cake for Breakfast, bring a bathing suit on a cold day… And when they receive legitimate “no!”, they are falling off to leeward on the floor, screaming and all the kicking. This is enough to leave the state of moral equilibrium and to yell.
As it turns out that the request for the piece of cake in the morning makes mom or dad to scream and go wild? If you have never yelled at your child, in fact, statistically, you get 10% of parents. And the scream is followed by a sense of guilt, it remains an unpleasant aftertaste and a desire to find a more effective method of education.
Does the screaming child?
According to psychotherapist Alyson Schafer, author of books about the education of young children, on the child the cry of the parent also affects negatively. If this is your main way to influence the child’s behavior, you could instill in your child a sense of self-doubt, lack of trust and sense of security. The raised voice coming from mom or dad, activates emotional response “to defend or escape by flight”, suppressing logical thinking. And the last is very important, because your main task — that understanding a little of what you are trying to convey to him. Dr. Hutt, psychotherapist, reveals the secret of parenting: when parents yell, the child learns to shout back, if mom and dad use physical force, and the kid will learn to fight, but if they are calm, and your toddler will keep yourself in hand.
Of course, even the most peaceful and relaxing parents are sometimes frustrated, because children like no one else knows which buttons to parental soul to press to get a negative reaction. Everyone makes mistakes and it is very important to recognize. Aloud, in the form of explanations and apologies to the child. After each “breakdown” analyze the situation in order to anticipate their reaction and do the right thing.
Fight of characters
Standard situation: daughter wants cookies for Breakfast and not accept a negative answer. She in all probability thinks that if you embark on a cry, the mother will give in. And now the room is filled with shouts, already and from my mother’s side.
Why parents lose control
When children are questioning our authority, we feel confused. And when you suddenly realize that crying, it’s not a matter of cookies, you are trying to regain control of the situation. I want to show the child who’s boss and who has the final word.
How to fix
First of all, to stop before the situation comes to intensity. Focus on what will win this “fight” and finding the optimal solution of the situation. For a start, repeat your position: “We don’t eat cookies for Breakfast”, and then offer a choice of “do You want an omelette or muesli?”. This will help her to feel control over the situation, and you continue to discipline your child without shouting . If this does not help, try to distract the toddler humor: funny dance or a funny grimace will help the child to tune into a more positive way and forget about the reason of his tears and cries.
Battle of brothers and sisters
One of the most frequently occurring situations: the eldest child with skill worthy of a better, younger brings into hysterics. Usually he does it in the wrong situation and my mother’s patience goes out the window in a matter of minutes.
Why parents start screaming?
It doesn’t matter who started this whole mess, especially when dad is driving and the kids are starting to push each other and screaming like someone cut.
How to handle anger?
Most importantly, remember: in a situation where brothers and sisters “fight”, a negative reaction on your part will only exaggerate. Especially if you can’t be distracted by what is happening (for example, you are driving). Better (silently!) to stop, and explain to children how unsafe this behavior in the car. Tell them you understand their feelings, but will not budge until the child calms down. Your calm will be an example for them. When parents respond to children so that the latter feel that they listen and understand, they learn how to behave similarly to other people. Education without shouting paying off, just need a bit more to try!