Different approaches in parenting
We educate our children and want them to grow up and such-that and such-that they didn’t make our mistakes, so he was happy. If you look in the dictionary, we see that « Education — it is a purposeful shaping of personality in order to prepare them to participate in public and cultural life in accordance with socio-cultural normative models» . In life education is usually called the impact that we had on the child, and its results.
Actually, even if our influence will be neither deliberate nor conscious, a person from our baby will still be formed. He will grow up like us. «the Child learns what he sees in his home». This law repeal will not be so, if we desire that our child didn’t inherit from us some of the features, you just need to get rid of them ourselves.
But now we will talk about purposeful and conscious education and the various approaches to it . After our success on the path of education is directly dependent on the approach, and accordingly, a method in raising children, we are choosing. And the approach depends on what the goals and objectives of education we set ourselves.
Why can’t something be explained to the child? Why he doesn’t listen and doesn’t listen? After all, he needs us to respect, to trust and to listen with open mouth our instructions! How could it be otherwise? And he needs us to love . I am deviating from the topic, because love — this is also what we want from children. However, not thinking about the fact that their love is also depends largely on us, and thus is also a consequence of upbringing. We want them to be us native people — mainly because for this we gave birth, suggesting that they are family just because we were born — default…
If someone’s child away from their parents, behave, «as a stranger» or is rude to them — we blamed, considering that he’s ungrateful and hard-hearted person, and this selection of his evil will. But why the child will certainly need us to love? When we don’t communicate with someone because the relationship we have spoiled, or never had them — no one is surprised. This is normal. The relationship between two people there or not, they are or calamity, they need to build and cherish, — and participate in this process two. No one is arguing that. Why our relations with the child is it not? If true, what are we gonna do?
Let us ask ourselves — what are our major goals and objectives in the education of our children? We want «trained» the child so that it was convenient for us and others to obey and behave «right» . Or do we want to stay as close relationship that he truly listened to us? Ways of achieving these goals are quite different and the results, respectively, too. The mistake many parents is that they want, certainly the second, and the methods of education used more suitable for first. And wonder why the relationship with the child does not meet their expectations. Although nothing to surprise — everything is logical.
The authoritarian approach to parenting
If we approach education how to «training», the results will be questionable and temporary, but undoubtedly will be. «Training» I call an impersonal approach to the child when we are not given his opinions and desires, trying to make sure that he was doing what we see fit. The methods used are simple — the whip and gingerbread in the range. Phrase: «no one asked You!» — a perfect illustration of this approach.
The child is completely in our power, it depends on us, and if we «training», he will vydressirovali. There’s something to live with us? However, he will not be happy. After all, he’s just as human as we, and his soul also wants a sincere relationship, love, trust, understanding, respect… And that soul will protest. First, sudden tantrums, aggression, stubbornness then, sneakiness, lying, and as a teenager it just resets our «training», as tight clothing.
If we are too authoritarian, and his character is not enough fighting spirit, he can become autistic, withdrawn, ‘ll learn to pretend and be silly, and then we discover that not know their child is, that we are absolutely wrong people. Unfortunately, when the child grows up, to correct this situation will be impossible. He will remain «stranger» forever…
And, most tragically, the man in childhood «trained» becomes incapable of sincere and trusting relationship with others and, as a consequence, life is lonely and unhappy, although it can successfully socialize and play different roles in society and in relationships. It will require a conscious and a huge work to fix what we’ve done to their upbringing.
A personal approach to education
If we really want to maintain a close relationship with the child, want to be his friend, that he shared with us his thoughts and experiences, listened to our advice and grew and grew happy, we should consciously make that choice. Discard methods «training»and to learn different principles of education and collaboration with the child — to develop a personal approach to education . And take some of the inevitable difficulties that we meet along the way. Namely: to agree that «comfortable» our child is not, especially at first.
We will have to devote more time and attention. Yes, we will have to fight the temptation to press, to force, to remanipulate, because it’s easier. Have to think, search for solutions, to learn to trust your child and to respect him. Have to educate ourselves, to grow together with their children, to change, to work on themselves. We will have to abandon even the Holy parental authority. replacing him with respect for the individual child. It is difficult, but this approach can actually be called «education» man.
And the result — we will raise a decent and happy person, who will love and respect us a lifetime. And in old age we will not have the feeling that we «wasted on ungrateful children best years». The choice is ours: our own comfort with the «comfortable» a child in his childhood and minimal effort by «education» — or the happiness of this child and his trust. respect and love.
I hope that this article helped you to clarify the goals and purposes of education and to examine the approaches to education so as to avoid mistakes. If you want to know more about parenting, sign up for updates — and announcements of new articles will be sent to your email. Good luck!