Children’s lies – a method of self-defense
Don’t be afraid to go to a psychologist or child psychiatrist, deal with him, which negatively affects your child, what is the real ground of his misfortunes. Maybe you have to listen to something not very flattering to your address; it may be that already requires special measures — children’s nervous system vulnerable, and reactions to trauma can be readily fixed. Be careful and attentive!
Be especially careful with is so loved by us by means of life’s hardships — irony.
A white lie or why children lie
Often the reason for consultation with a psychologist or therapist is the loss of trust in the relationship between parents and children. Parents complain: “the Child about what we are not telling, Julita and remained silent or simply lying. ”
From what the child is saved by a lie?
Why are we so afraid of child lie? So strive at all costs to eradicate this defect? When we first notice that the child deceives us? In that moment, when he is not obeyed us, or were outside the framework that we endorse the behavior.
To dissemble and tacking child has whenever these limits become too rigid and cramped.
In other words, the child is lying, when he wants to avoid punishment or censure, when tends to slip out of the press the Ministry of education; he remained silent and been so secretive, protecting their right to confidentiality, for their own independence and privacy.
When conflict adults believe themselves to be right a priori — just because they are adults. Very often we demand obedience, behavior “by the rules”, not wanting to think about the fact that the child, even the smallest, may be your opinion; we allow ourselves that his opinion be neglected just because it is the opinion of the child.
How often do we agree with any complaint made to a child at school; how easy it is to say: “Teacher is always right” — and not to delve further into anything. To understand the quarrels in school once, and besides, “school, then she and the school to educate”.
How often, barring a child something, we console ourselves that care about their safety, seek to prevent the development of bad influence and harmful addictions, protect his health. Actually these prohibitions and restrictions greatly help us keep our own peace.
Aggressive response to the misconduct of the child, we call it fear, which very soon becomes habitual; waiting for the shouting, rudeness, punishment, he naturally tries to avoid them . And one way is a lie.
If you calmly think about the situation will become clear: cunning, by default, and a direct lie, the child is saved from our pressure, our rudeness; slipping out of network over-protective; protects against our anxiety and nervousness.
Lies, in fact, helps him to survive as individuals, not to break down under the burden of the restrictions and prohibitions emanating from us in a huge number and eating often our weakness and fear. So the child protects “personal space”.
If we find the courage to realize this, we will understand: aggressive reaction to the lies of the child only increases the degree of mutual incomprehension. So even if you know that your child is cheating, do not rush to bring it to clean water (especially in public!), do not rush to punish him. Think about it: why the child is forced to defend himself, try to understand when and how you lost his trust, why he is afraid to be honest with you.
Think about what you have for your child is the center of the world that he was, albeit unwittingly, makes a life according to your sample. Anyone we are not recognised as fully and ruthlessly, with all its weaknesses and own every minute of lying, as in our children. Well, at the mirror what to blame.
The child is not lying, he just fantasizes
Why do children lie to us? Very often— fleeing from ourselves. But sometimes a child is saved by deception is not from specific people or circumstances, and life in General.
Remember, the word “lie” means not only cheat, but also to invent, to dream; and the original — cast; hence the “doctor” is the one who in the old days spoke the disease. Plunging into a world of fantasy, the child away from the fact that “speaks” to her; in undecorated form, it seemed hostile, cold, rough and uncomfortable. Here we need to be especially careful and cautious.
All children fantasize about creating dreams beautiful world — often very, very far from the ordinary. If you created a child illusory world coexists with reality, and doesn’t replace it, if not interrupted him, child, communication with others, if not broken its development, the fantasy can be attributed to the manifestation of creativity. In this case, you need to try to help him to realize his artistic inclinations, to make his fantasy was expressed in the form of pictures, stories, games. Generally good, when the child writes poetry, composes music, paints, keeps a diary, — we should treat it seriously and with respect.
However, in the field of view of a child psychiatrist are cases when children are fully covered by your fantasies, when the world of illusions becomes the only world in which they agree to live. As an example, the identity of the eleven year old boy — weird, silent, very talented in music and mathematics. His talent was obvious and one-sided-the other items were given to him with difficulty. At school he had a hard time: his children teased, bullied teachers, and to overcome this unfair treatment could not manage. The moment came when he refused to go to school. Here is what he said: there he go “absolutely no time” because he is always busy thinking about “their” aliens. He knew all about them, he, in fact, lived in this švambranii, at the other end of the Solar system. At that time he lacked only at school; music and mathematics, he continued. Year of study at home, some special measures and was found later a publish school with small classes and sparing regime has done its job: the child was not thrown out of life. He is now studying quite well, although cagnolati and left.
Inventing the child sometimes creates for himself all the things he lacks: he fancies himself a strong, beautiful, loved and lucky. But often dreams are not so clear and straightforward: the little girl imagined herself a puppy — she was running on all fours, roaring demanded that she was fed from a bowl on the floor and drove to walk on a leash. The case was that the family had an infant, and the girl decided she was worthless now. But if not needed as a child — will love the puppy.
How to be in such cases? Whether you want to play invented by the baby rules and pretend to drive to walk six year old girl on a leash is a common thing? Or to act tough: disable “magic tricks” in the strongest terms?
Experience shows that resorting to the extremes, we only exacerbated the situation. Any unusual behavior of the child, when he ceases to distinguish between game-fantasy and reality, “flirting” so that contact with them is difficult, it demands some expert advice. And no need to wait for conduct disorder becomes so obvious.